Well, I’ve started a few Lolita blogs that never really took off, I have a hard time figuring out what to write and doing it consistently so I’ve decided this time that I’ll start from the beginning. My love affair with Lolita Fashion began when I first started looking for a prom dress, I remember being on the computer in the family living room late at night after my family had long gone to bed. I was looking through so many dresses that I didn’t like and so many with bizarre cut outs and silhouettes that I didn’t love, and then I laid my eyes upon it. A single simple black dress on ebay, it had an a-line shape with a ruffle on the hem, puffed sleeves a sweetheart neckline and a bow on the waistline. It was cheap and satiny and I have to admit I absolutely loved it! The style was so simple and elegant and touched some feeling within me that clothing had never elicited from me before. For me, Lolita Fashion all of a sudden transformed into a way I could form an identity for myself. Yes, the clothes were beautiful but for me it was never purely about clothes even in the beginning. When I looked at those clothes I saw a version of myself I could love. I saw the beautiful princess that I could transform into. An elegant lady who was feminine, kind, competent, and a leader. I saw in these clothes everything I wanted to be.
When I was younger, I always felt torn in my identity. I grew up in a split family, and in some ways it made my life difficult. In others it’s been fantastic, I mean I have 4 parents and all of the pros and cons that go with that. I got lots of extra love and lots of conflicting expectations, and as I began to grow into a young lady these expectations were put into sharp relief with one another, especially in the examples of what womanhood should be. For one mother it was putting me in makeup far outstripping my age and making me look far too sexual for a 14 year old in my opinion, in the other it was an intense revulsion to makeup or anything too feminine and it led me to a lot of confusion. I didn’t truly identify with the more masculine presenting femininity which is very common today. I respected it and loved that many women in my family found self love within that but for me I couldn’t. I also didn’t identify with the hypersexualized feminity that was presented to me at my other home, so when I looked at lolita fashion it almost felt like a salvation, an answer to the things I had been questioning and longing for for such a long time. Finally, I thought to myself. I can feel like a woman and have no shame feeling that.
I’m grateful for my discovery of lolita fashion for many reasons. In many ways I believe it taught me how to be a woman. I learned to put makeup on that didn’t look like a clown had done it from the lovely ladies I learned from and looked up to. I finally learned how to match colors in an outfit. (As a child I believed neon green and purple went together because I wanted to look like a Decepticon.) I also learned the things I did and didn’t want to be. In Lolita I idolize the fairy tale type of Princess, the type that is kind, beautiful, and brave and I strive to be that. It’s an inspiration I take to heart. Fashion wise, the road has been a bit bumpy and I’m still learning, as I have been a student this whole time some of my resources have been limited. So, I wasn’t nearly as pic happy then but I’ll show you some of my first coords I have pics of.
So my very first coord wasn’t too bad! I was super proud to show off my first piece of lolita clothing, a FanPlusFriend Tardis skirt. As I am a huge fan of Doctor Who and it seemed a good way to introduce the clothes to my family
I was so proud of that tiny top hat I made! It’s not the best quality because I made it out of cardboard and scrap velvet. However, because of that hat, I am still a huge fan of those tiny hats and you all can fight me on it. 😛 I suppose they hold such a huge place in my heart because that hat was made the night I found out that my grandmothers cancer was untreatable and going on livejournal and finding that old tutorial and busily working on it till the wee hours of the morning was all I could do to keep from breaking down.
This picture was just not lolita at all! I only owned one outfit and this was my best attempt at a second outfit. Although this pic isn’t the most flattering of me, this outfit actually helped me get the majority of my wardrobe! A lovely girl in my comm was selling a large chunk of her wardrobe and she custom selected a lot of my current wardrobe from the colors I used! This is now the pallette of my gothic wardrobe!
Ever since I started Lolita it has been close to my heart, it may fade a bit at times, however when times get tough it is always something I can lean on and look to to get through it. In fact I have been looking to it recently as my mental health has been suffering a bit. That aspiration to transform into the person I know I can be. Thank you all for reading the first post on this blog and I hope you’ll come back to read more
Have a beautiful day